LABYRINTH: A PARODY: THE SEQUEL
by Straggletag
Summary: sequel to my fic Labyrinth: A Parody. Sarah doesn't remember what happened to her all those years ago and Jareth has a sudden urge to make her his queen. What silly shenanigans will ensue?
1. Chapter 1

(A/N) I wasn't intending to write a sequel, it just happened. This is dedicated to all the wonderful 'what happened after the movie' fics I have read, and, though I make fun of them, I love them dearly.

As with my previous story, swearing will be consistent throughout, crazy stuff will happen and there will be movie/TV/book references galore.

As always, I own none of the characters/films etc and I am not making any profit.

…...

LABYRINTH: A PARODY

THE SEQUEL

CHAPTER ONE

…...

Sarah sat at her kitchen table and turned to the 'jobs' section of the newspaper. Toby sat across from her, quietly doing his chemistry homework.

A couple of years ago, just after Sarah had trundled dejectedly home from L.A (where she had been trying to make it as an actress, like her mother Linda) her father and stepmother had 'gone out for dinner' and never returned.

The last Sarah had heard of them had been a postcard from Tahiti asking her if she could send on Karen's Barry Manilow CD. Since then she had been Toby's sole guardian and they both lived together in their parents unwanted house.

Sarah had had many jobs in that time. She had been a student at University (where she had studied English literature: she had failed because apparently a thesis on Sweet Valley High: The Evil Twin, just wasn't appropriate.)

She had had a brief career as an artist during which time she had painted many hot men wearing spandex and holding their (crystal) balls.

She had even had a brief spurt of insanity and written a series of vampire romance novels known unfortunately as the Times Of Day Saga: the first was called Morning, the second Afternoon, the third Mid-Afternoon and the fourth (which hadn't been as well received) Tea-Time.

But right now she was between jobs.

"What I need is a good man," Sarah mused, "Who is interested in food."

Secretly she wanted to open her own restaurant, she had even come up with a name: The Oubliette. She didn't know what oubliette meant, but she thought it sounded sexy and French.

Toby looked at her from beneath his slick emo fringe, "You have a boyfriend," he pointed out, "Dr Vaseegaran, he makes robots."

Sarah scowled and sent a text to Vasi (as she liked to call him): meet me in the park.

"I have to go."

She grabbed a cardboard box from beneath the sink and went upstairs to shove some items in it. Then, flouncing dramatically, she flounced out of the house. Then she drove her car across the road to the park where her boyfriend waited.

Pouting, she flung a contract in his face.

"Breaking up contract," she said, "I'm giving you back everything you gave me. Which, BTW I hated all of it."

Reaching into her box she pulled out a book, "Look at this, my birthday present: 'A Brief History of Time," she threw it away and pulled out another book, "'Freakonomics, bah! Did you ever buy me anything that touched me?"

Vasi smiled deviously and pointed to a pink lady-razor.

Sarah scowled.

"I thought it would touch you," he said.

Sarah emptied the box over his head and stomped back to her house. She didn't take the car because it had run out of gas and, plus, she had forgotten to apply the handbrake so it had rolled down the hill and smashed through the window of the local pharmacy.

"Done and dusted," she announced, smacking her hands together and then sitting back down at the table.

Toby looked at her, "Sarah," he began, "Do you remember when I was a baby…"

"And you pooped on my math homework, and mouth-breathed, and threw up on my prom dress, and slobbered on my Brandon Walsh Barbie, and ate my fish?" Sarah angrily ate a biscuit, "yeah, I remember."

"No," Toby rolled his eyes, "I mean, do you remember when I was a baby and you wished me away to the goblins and you had to complete Jareth's Labyrinth to get me back?"

Sarah looked at him blankly. Her face was as blank as a blank whiteboard, before anyone had written on it, ever. Like a canvass not yet unwrapped, a pumpkin not yet carved.

"No, you weirdo, I don't. I've told you a million times that must have been a dream you had on account of that time when I overdosed you with purple Calpol. Get over it."

"But it was reeeeaaaaall!" Toby whined.

"NO IT WASN'T" Sarah bellowed like a raging female cow. "GO TO YOUR ROOM RIGHT NOW AND STOP TRYING TO PLANT FALSE MEMORIES IN MY MIND!"

Toby glared at her and gathered up his textbooks. Pausing near the door, the flicked the light switch off and on a couple of times. Outside the house, special effects turned the sunny day to a dark and rainy night.

"I wish the Goblins would come and take YOU away," he growled, "right NOW!"

Thunder crashed and lightning cracked across the sky. It almost reminded Sarah of a night long ago when she had been able to bear it no longer and had called on the goblins for help. When a Goblin King had fallen in love with her and had granted her certain powers, when a fucking hideous dwarf named Debbie or Donny or something had been her only true friend….

It ALMOST reminded her of that, but it didn't actually, because nothing like that had ever happened to her. Ever. Ever, ever. Ever.

Ever.

Toby left her alone in the dark, dark kitchen, and headed upstairs to finish his homework and maybe to play some Sega.

"TOBY!" she screamed, as weird little furry creatures began to scurry about her feet, one of them pausing to read the review of BEASTLY, in the newspaper she had dropped on the floor.

"I wouldn't bother," Sarah advised it, "They totally didn't stick to the book."

The creepy creature nodded sadly and then resumed its scurrying.

Suddenly a glittering, mesmerising, floating, grooving, disco ball appeared in midair, right in front of her face.

"Touch it," a seductive voice urged, "Touch it and realise everything you desire."

Sarah bit her lip, her fingers millimetres from touching the sparkling surface. Wasn't there a saying: never touch a groovy talking disco ball that gathers no moss?

"This is a very bad idea," she said to no one in particular. Then, taking a deep, calming breath, she touched it and suddenly she was falling…

Falling

Falling

Falling

Falling…into a dark, dank room filled with dozens of other girls and women. Some were teenagers and some were Sarah's age. All of them were temptingly beautiful and yet all of them were filled with a private suffering: for as long as they could remember they had felt out of step in the human world, sure that they were destined for something more.

Sarah knew this because it said so on the sign beside the one glass wall.

A group of goblin school children had their faces pressed up against the glass. Some were blowing raspberries. Their teacher, an old goblin with glasses and a sweater-set, pointed to Sarah and the other girls.

"Look, children," she said, "These are the Mary-Sues."

They all gasped in horror and Sarah began to shake her head.

"NO!" she cried.

"Now come along," the goblin teacher ushered the little goblins, "Next up are the…GARY-STUS!"

"NOOOOOOOO!" Sarah screamed as they walked away, "I'M NOT A MARY SUE! I'M SARAH! I'M SARAH! DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!"

…...

Jareth looked up from his game of chess and smirked at the tiny image of Sarah in his crystal ball. Thousands of Mary Sues infiltrated his Labyrinth every month, hoping to get into his tight, tight, tight pants. How was he supposed to know that, this time, the person who had called upon him had been the one person his loins had lusted for since they day she had beaten him and freed herself from his clutches?

Funnily, at the time he had been rather bored by her obnoxious teenage ways, but now, suddenly, for no reason at all, he was enthralled by her.

"I will have her," Jareth vowed, "I will make her my Queen!"

"Queen of the Bog of Eternal Stench?" his chess opponent asked hopefully.

"NO!" Jareth knocked over the chessboard with a dramatic flourish, "QUEEN OF THE LABYRINTH! Queen of my Heart!"

The chess opponent, who was Dobby, rolled his eyes. At the end of the first parody he had gone to save Harry Potter from death at the hands of Voldemort and Bellatrix but Jareth had not wanted to lose the only servant he had who knew how to play chess, scrabble and twenty-questions, and so he had stopped him.

For the past dozen or so years Dobby had been chained to the table, forced into endless games of Life or Monopoly.

Without him there to save them, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Luna and whoever else was captured had been killed. The Wizarding world was in ruin.

This was why Dobby had sworn, over the grave of his beloved Winky, that he would take revenge on Jareth.

One day the Labyrinth would be his!


	2. Chapter 2

(A/N) I've been listening to the Holly Dolly song on repeat. Therefore none of what follows should be taken seriously as I have obviously gone mad. I also spent the morning watching Pyaar Impossible and discovered my inner love for geeks. Whaddaya know? Anyways, thanks to all who read/enjoy and/or review my work!

…...

LABYRINTH: A PARODY

THE SEQUEL

CHAPTER TWO

…...

Jareth stared contemplatively at his reflection in the floor length, gold framed mirror. Since around ten or more years had passed since the first parody, it was no longer the mid-eighties and his poofy hair and copious amounts of liquid eyeliner were feeling a bit dated.

He was aware that, in some fics, when he returns to claim Sarah as his true mate, he has had a makeover. But that was in 'those' fics, and those authors were clearly tripping if they thought he was gonna start strutting down the catwalk at Goblin Fashion Week in Calvin's, his body spritzed with CK for men.

But still, there was some merit to be had in the idea of a change. After all, he hadn't removed the hairspray (it was extra, extra, extra strong) from his hair since New Year's Eve 1980.

Using his magical powers, he washed and cut his hair and then slicked it back behind his ears. Then he squirted an entire bottle of make-up remover onto his face and began scrubbing. He scrubbed and scrubbed, removing centuries worth of Maybelline and No.7 cosmetics.

Then he stripped off all his clothes.

Dobby, who had been watching him over the problem page of the Goblin Times (Article: Dear Goblin Aunty, why does my husband insist on watching Twilight when we make love, cos K-Stew ain't all that? Answer: …..) fainted in horror.

Quickly, Jareth sped through a series of looks: Punk Rock (too passé), Emo (too depressing), Egyptian Pharaoh (he wasn't really into the Yul Brynner look), 50's housewife (he did like the matching barrettes), Gangsta Rapper (too much bling, even for a Goblin King), washed up actor, doctor outfit (complete with stethoscope), Futuristic silver spandex bodysuit, sexy Librarian….

Jareth paused at that one, liking the way the thick black-framed glasses highlighted his cheekbones. He wasn't sure about the pencil skirt though, and the bra was definitely too tight.

"Try MEN'S clothes, you moron!" Dobby yelled from his crumpled position on the floor.

"Oh yes!" Jareth sneered, "I should take YOUR advice, Diggly, because your current potato sack creation is the cutting edge of fashion."

Dobby sobbed into his wrinkly, wrinkly hands.

Jareth loathed taking the advice of anyone other than himself, and maybe David Hasselhoff, but as the stupid serf wasn't looking he changed the pencil skirt into some tight (and I mean tight) black leggings, got rid of the bra and added some bright pink thigh-high boots.

"Perfect!"

Dobby lifted his head and stared at his hated master. What he saw made him blind.

Well, not really.

But it was horrific.

"Sexy but approachable," one of the guys from Queer Eye for a Straight Guy complimented Jareth, "a definite improvement."

10/10!

"Watch out Ladies!" Jareth cried, striking the 'Vogue' pose, "Especially ladies named Sarah Williams! I'M BACK!"

…...

Two seconds later, Jareth reverted back to normal.

Perfection didn't need to be messed with.

…...

Sarah sat sadly in a corner, her knees tucked beneath her chin. All around her the Mary Sues were arguing for or against Team Jacob.

"He's so hot, right?" one said to a chorus of agreement, "Its those abs and, well, the abs…and of course you can't forget about his abs."

"Yeah, well," a girl named Stephenie countered, "Edward glitters. He's all glittery…and beige…and glittery."

"TEAM JACOB!"

"EDWARD!"

"JA-"

"TEAM FUCKING CARLISLE, ALL RIGHT?" Sarah screamed, her head pounding.

Stephenie snorted, "That's not a _team!"_ she scoffed.

Sarah groaned and turned to look forlornly out of the glass window. Suddenly she noticed a hideous, wrinkled, warty, wizened, droopy face staring back at her.

"OMG!" she screamed, jumping to her feet and pointing frantically at the weird creature. "You…you're…you're that Dooby!" she clapped her hands together in excitement, "You're that Dooby thing! OMG," her eyes grew wide, "the memories…they're all coming back to me now…"

She remembered…the ship crossing to America had hit an iceberg and sunk. She had kept herself alive floating on a bit of wood and had tried to save her lover, Leonardo DiCrapio, but eventually he had slipped from her grasp into the frozen depths below….

She remembered…when she had been a lion and her father had been murdered by her evil uncle, and she had been exiled to a jungle where a warthog and a meerkat had sung to her of the joys of 'Hakuna Matata'….

She remembered…the time she had gone by helicopter to a dinosaur theme park and the power had failed and the T-Rex had escaped and chased her…

She didn't really see what Dooby had to do with any of that.

"Nothing," Dobby looked un-amused, "FYI, None of that ever happened to me OR you, Shithead!"

"Oh yeah?" Sarah challenged, "Then what DID happen?"

Dobby recounted the story of the first parody.

Sarah rolled her eyes. "That's not even believable, Dingleberry. I still maintain you were probably one of the officers aboard the Titanic. Maybe the really mean one who shot himself."

"I have one thing to say to you," Dobby growled.

"What- are you gonna apologise for the lack of lifeboats and the fact that you let all those poor people drown?"

Dobby took a deep breath and tensed his shoulders "I HATE YOU! I LOATHE YOU! I WOULD RATHER BE THE GERBIL UP RICHARD GERE'S ASS THAN SPEND MORE THAN TEN SECONDS IN YOUR IDIOTIC PRESENCE! I HATE YOU MORE THAN RACHEL BERRY, AND THAT'S SAYING SOMETHING! I HAAAAAAAATTTTTTEEEEEEEE YOOOUUUUUUU!"

Sarah raised an eyebrow, "Well, you're no peach either, Divan."

"DOBBY!" screamed Dobby, apoplectic with rage, "MY MOTHERFUCKING NAME IS DOBBY!"

"I know what your name is, Dishrag," Sarah rolled her eyes, "chillax."

Dobby took a time out to calm himself and then did what he had been sent to the Goblin Zoo to do: he zapped Sarah out of the Mary Sue exhibit and into the Chamber of Love that Jareth had prepared for her.

…...

Jareth gazed upon the exquisite beauty asleep in his bed of love. In the years that had passed Sarah had changed: matured. Her pout was now even poutier, her bushy eyebrows were now just one, bushier, brow, her curves were now in all the right places. She no longer wore underpants named after the days of the week.

Jareth knew this because he had stripped her to her underwear. He had forced Dobby to watch while he did it: holding the house elf's eyes open with metal clamps and playing 'Singing in the Rain' on repeat in the background.

"Soon I will plunge my love-sword into your pillowy softness," he promised, stroking a gloved finger over her cheek. "Soon my man-meat will part your snowy thighs and enter the channel of your secret flower."

"That doesn't even make sense." Dobby snapped.

"Really?" Jareth asked.

"Really," Dobby replied.

"REALLY?" Jareth asked.

"REALLY!" Dobby replied.

"REALLY? TRA LA LA?" Jareth asked.

"RE…oh forget it." Dobby went back to laying out the candy flavoured condoms Jareth had requested.

Awakened by their raised voices, Sarah moaned and opened her eyes.

"Piece of Cake?" Jareth asked, gesturing to something that definitely WASN'T a piece of cake.

At least, Sarah hoped not. Because who kept cake down the front of their trousers?

…..

To be continued…


	3. Chapter 3

(A/N) This chapter is brought to you courtesy of Kelly Clarkson songs, MacB's Lemon & Lime still water and too much post-graduation free time!

…...

LABYRINTH: A PARODY

THE SEQUEL

CHAPTER THREE

…...

Sarah gulped and wiped her suddenly sweaty palms across the silk bed sheets.

"I…I…I'm on a diet," she lied, "Cake is a no-no…"

Jareth raised a sleek, sexy eyebrow and crawled across the bed like a panther. When he was looming over her, so close that she could smell his perfume (which, incidentally was Midnight Poison), he licked his lips and leered down at her.

"Is that so?" he played along, "Well my cake is fat-free. No calories whatsoever. In fact, my cake helps you to lose weight…it's very vigorous."

"Well," Sarah blinked like a frightened toad, "I'm actually allergic to vigorous cake. Deathly allergic."

"Well that doesn't matter," Jareth said, curling his upper lip like Elvis, "because my cake contains the juice to revive you."

"OH. MY. GOD." Dobby mimed barfing into a bucket.

Sarah bit her lip as Jareth's tantalizing breath tantalized her.

"Well," she said, "I don't like cakes with liquid centres."

"If either of you says 'cake' one more time I'm gonna *really* throw up." Dobby had turned vaguely green.

"If you don't shut up, Dobber, I'm gonna hit you so hard even Google won't be able to find you!" Jareth threatened, turning Sarah on with his display of manly rage.

Jareth turned his smouldering gaze back to his luscious bed-guest, "Are you sure you wouldn't care for a large, throbbing, slice?"

Dobby threw up.

Sarah did want a slice. She wanted his cake so badly that she knew, once tasted, no other cake would ever be good enough for her. But she couldn't. She couldn't give in.

"NOOOOOOOO!" she cried, throwing her arms out melodramatically and knocking Jareth off the bed. Then, startled to realise that she was nearly as nude as Jennifer Jason Leigh in practically every movie she ever made, she grabbed Dobby and clutched him to her heaving bosom, hiding her lady-parts from view.

"WHAT?" Jareth called several goblins into the room just so that he could (literally) kick them out again. Then he tore the bed sheets into shreds using just his teeth and threw oil onto the portrait he had been painting of Sarah and set fire to it. Basically he threw a big hissy-fit. "I DON'T GET IT! LAST TIME YOU WERE BEGGING ME FOR IT! YOU SCREWED THE TESCO DELIVERY GUY!"

Dobby shuddered, he had not needed to be reminded of that incident. He had already cleansed it from his mind by writing a poem about it:

**Stupid Slut**

**by Dobby**

_There once was a girl named Sarah,_

_Who liked a bit now and again,_

_Not 'now and again',_

_But NOW_

_And_

_Again_

_And again_

_AND AGAIN!_

_There once was a house elf named Dobby,_

_Who really,_

_Hated,_

_That bitch._

It was an experimental verse.

"Well I think it sucks," Sarah said in his ear.

"FYI, I don't care two hoots what you think," Dobby spat, biting her on the arm and scurrying away.

"Anyway," Sarah turned her attention back to Jareth who, in an effort to entice her, had painted an arrow pointing down on his chest in edible body paint.

"I don't even know who you are," she stated blankly, like a blank slate. "I have no recollection of any Tesco driver and I certainly would never offer it around to anyone like a common whore."

Dobby snorted. Who was she kidding?

"In fact…" Sarah puffed out her chest proudly, "I am STILL a pure and chaste maiden. I was saving myself for Joe Jonas…or maybe Darren Criss," she added as an afterthought.

Jareth and Dobby blinked at each other and then burst into shared hysterical laughter. Dobby's heart swelled with warmth, this was the first moment of kinship that he and the blonde ass-wipe had ever shared. Maybe he didn't have to continue on his quest to kill Jareth and take over the Labyrinth after all.

Suddenly Jareth's face snapped back to its usual cruel sneer.

"I didn't say YOU could laugh, Dippy. Show some respect to the future Goblin Queen."

Dobby sighed. Anyone who thought that that shrieking, halfwit harpy deserved respect just had to be killed, for the sake of all sane peoples.

"Very well," Jareth adopted a regal air, "We can enjoy the cake later. Usually the sex scene is reserved for the last chapter anyway…"

"YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT SEX?" Sarah exclaimed, "OMG, we can totally do that!"

"No," Jareth began filing his nails, "It can wait until…" he grinned evilly, "you have completed a quest!"

"No, honestly," Sarah drew an arrow on her own stomach, "Come get it baby."

"Sarah, my cherub, my Technicolor dream, my starlit sky…"

Sarah blushed.

"Without you, I dwell in darkness…however…I left my ipod in the Evil Green Creepy Swamp. Should you retrieve it within the next two days, I will sex you up…and make you my Queen. If not…I will kill dear old Dudley here."

"WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DRAG ME INTO THIS?" Dobby screeched.

"Um. I don't care if the Doobybooby thing dies…" Sarah said. "He was totally responsible for all those lives lost onboard the Titanic."

"I HAVE SPOKEN!" Jareth clicked his fingers, "ALL DEPART!"

…...

Sarah and Dobby blinked, momentarily blinded by the flash of magic. When they had recovered their sight they discovered that they were both standing outside the entrance to the Labyrinth.

And what's more….

They were handcuffed together!

…

To be continued….


	4. Chapter 4

(A/N) Many appreciative thanks to reviewers, you guys rock! I don't know where most of this comes from: it just spews from my fingers when I touch the keyboard…like word vomit.

WARNING! This chapter is contains plot exposition and gratuitous use of the Numa Numa song.

…...

LABYRINTH: A PARODY

THE SEQUEL

CHAPTER FOUR

…...

_Dear Diary,_

_It is five seconds into day one of our expedition to the Evil Green Creepy Swamp and already I fear I may not make it back sane, or even alive. Even now, as I am writing these words, the hideous she-beast is looming over me, snarling, bellowing and spitting. I cannot take much more…should anyone find this journal alongside my carcass, which I have no doubt the she-beast will defile after I am dead- I beg them to send it home to my mother and father, and also send it to that director, Danny Boyle, as he may want to make an emotional, award winning film out of my suffering….and, to my friends I bequeath my set of….._

"What the fuck is this?" Sarah yanked the Hello Kitty diary from Dobby's wrinkly grasp. "OMG!" she mocked, "You keep a diary, what are you TWELVE?"

"My psychiatrist advised me that a journal would help me to get over my trauma," Dobby seethed, "trauma inflicted by YOU, I might add. You fat cow."

Sarah stuck her tongue out at him and tossed the diary over her shoulder, where it hit and killed a fairy named Cornelius who had been on his way to save his sweetheart Thumbelina from marrying the Mole.

"Do you really think I'm fat?" Sarah asked, running her hands over her stunning curves. Unfortunately, as they were handcuffed together, this meant that Dobby got a handful of her bouncing boobies as well.

"URGH!" he yanked his arm back, "retard cooties! And who cares if you're fat?"

"That sexy man cares," Sarah said, referring to Jareth. She didn't know his name because she had no recollection of who he was whatsoever.

"Sexy man?" Dobby furrowed his brow, he had no idea who she meant.

"Anyway," Sarah paused beside the abandoned ticket booth. A sign read 'CLOSED: NEVER TO BE OPENED AGAIN'. Maps and 'History of the Labyrinth' pamphlets were strewn about the floor; crinkled and covered in mud. Spider webs obscured the windows of the booth and the ticket collector had died some years ago. His skeleton glared at them now: the eyes still in place.

A pile of rotting bodies nearby had once been a lively tour group, waiting for the tour bus.

Now they were nothing.

"What happened here?" Sarah gasped, saddened for a reason that she could not explain.

"This is the sequel," Dobby explained, spacing his words out and talking slowly so that she would maybe understand. "In Labyrinth sequels often the Labyrinth itself is a darker place, all hope lost: a place that can only be brought back to life by you…" he crossed his knobbly arms angrily, "beware the dangers within, for the Labyrinth has fallen into disrepair, like Jareth's heart has been a cold, dark, uninhabitable place without you…so is the Labyrinth. Only you and your love can bring us back to life…"

"Are you reading off of cue cards?" Sarah inquired.

Dobby threw the cards at her head. "Look, bitch I'm just doing my job. Someone has to tell you what's what."

"Soooo…" Sarah mulled his words over, "In order to bring this place back to life I have to get that dude's ipod from the Evil Green Creepy Swamp and then sex him up…and possibly eat some cake?"

Dobby glanced wearily at the pile of rubble that had once been a really cheap '24/7 happy hour' bar. In fact, it had been in that bar that he had first met the ridiculous twit now chained like a hideous growth to his arm.

Without warning, he picked up a large rock and hit the bitch over the head.

Twice.

Sarah groaned and moaned in excruciating agony. Her vision exploded into fluorescent dots and a sharp jolt of pain mixed with awareness lanced her brain.

"Myyy brain!" she cried in agony.

"Your WHAT?" Dobby asked, shocked. He hadn't realised there was anything in there, except maybe stale air.

"Wait!" Sarah collapsed to her knees, dragging him down with her. Around them, several copy/pasted moving screens began to rotate, keeping them trapped within a circle of badly done special effects.

Sarah's jaw dropped as she beheld the repressed memories she was being assaulted with:

_There was the moment she and the Dooby thing had escaped from the Cleaner._

_There was the moment she had wished Toby away._

_There was the moment she had gazed for the first time upon Jareth's crotch._

"Figures that would be an important memory for you," Dobby snorted.

_There was the moment when Jareth had sung to her in the bubble ballroom._

_There was the moment the Dooby had spat in her Pepsi and put a toenail in it_.

"HEY!" Sarah smacked him on the head, "YOU JERK!"

Dobby grinned, that had been his finest hour-if he did say so himself.

The memories swirled and swirled until Sarah had recalled EVERYTHING, even her past life in which she had been a princess named Lily who had dated Tom Cruise and hung around with Unicorns and shit.

"Sweet," Sarah said. Then she allowed a sense of awe and wonder to fill her. No wonder she had painted all those men with crystal crotches, she had never truly forgotten her magical coming-of-age adventure! She had only lost it amongst the mature worries and problems of maturity.

"Deanna!" she cried, overcome with love for her now-remembered friend, "You gave me my memories back! How can I repay you? Sexual favours?"

Dobby closed his eyes and sighed, "I can assure you that that was not my intention," he frowned, "I was trying to kill you."

"You're my best friend forever!" Sarah hugged him tight and quickly updated her face book to read: **hangin out in da Labirinth wit ma BFF!**

Dobby quickly took out his laptop and disliked what she had written.

Then Jareth left a message on her wall: **Yo! Sarah, babe, time's a wastin! BTW Diggo, plz pick me up a cheez burger n' fries on ur way home. Supersize.**

Dobby rubbed his hands together eagerly. He was going to poison that cheeseburger. He could see it now: _Jareth writhing on the floor as Dobby gloated above him:_

_"How do you like that cheeseburger? I poisoned that cheeseburger! And I spat in your tomato ketchup!"_

_Then he would kick him a bit, just for good measure._

"OH EXCUSE ME!" Sarah bellowed, "Is your fantasizing more important than finding Jareth's ipod?"

Dobby inquired as to whether Sarah would like a cheeseburger as well?

…...

Jareth gazed out of the window at the land he ruled. Everything was gray: the colour had disappeared the day Sarah had forgotten him. But now, he could see in the far, far, far distance a purple flower blooming.

His loins swelled with hope: she would bring everything back to life! Just like Mary Lennox did in the Secret Garden!

Clicking his fingers like a West Side Story extra, Jareth leapt to his feet and invited some goblins to join him in his impromptu eurotrash musical number. Shaking his ass, he began to sing:

_" I sold my strings, my song and dreams_

_And I bought some paints to match the colours of my love,_

_Hello, Helloo, It's me again, Jareth_

_ I will spray my words of love with your name on every wall..._

_"When you leave my colours fade to gray,_

_Ooh a Ooh ah ay, Ooh ah Ooh a Ooh ah ay,_

_Every word of love I use to say,_

_Now I paint them everyday,_

_When you leave my colours fade to gray,Hey little lover stay, _

_or all my colours fade away,_

_Every word of love I use to say,_

_Now I paint them everyday..."_

It was epic.

…...

To be continued..


	5. Chapter 5

(A/N) I apologise for the delay in this chapter. While I was away I was busy moving house and I had no time to update.

This chapter is brought to you courtesy of my unstoppable squeeing fan girl mode, which I am locked in, because I just went to see Singham at the cinema!

This is really just a short filler chapter, while I work on the next one.

…

LABYRINTH: A PARODY

THE SEQUEL

CHAPTER FIVE

….

Sarah grabbed a giant axe and began to hack through the entrance doors. With every blow a cloud of glitter exploded into the air. Sarah coughed, choking on the silly sparkles.

"Where did you get that axe?" Dobby inquired, just as Sarah stuck her head through the hole she had made and shouted:

"Heeeerrrree's SARAH!"

"Where did you get that face?" Sarah snapped back, hacking the remaining wood to pieces.

Dobby glared at her and typed an entry into FML:

_Today I had to listen to two full retards make innuendo about cake. FML._

Sarah was in a vindictive mood. "Is it true that when you were born the doctor turned around and slapped your mother?"

Dobby wanted to slap her, "IS IT TRUE THAT YOU'RE AN IDIOT?" he screamed.

"I was only joking, Duffer, don't get so worked up."

With that, Sarah grabbed her boom box and put her ipod earphones in her ears. Then, swaying her hips like a slutty chav, she walked through the hole she had made and into the Labyrinth. Dobby followed at a close distance, aware that the first strains of a shitty pop song had just begun to play.

Sarah's hair exploded into a giant rats nest and her eyeliner suddenly covered her entire face. "Swagger jagger, swagger jagger," she sang, dancing like a whore, "You should get some of your own, count the money, get your game on…you're a hater, just let it go!"

"NO!" Dobby dropped to his knees and cursed the heavens, "This song sucks but," he cracked an eye open as Sarah continued to gyrate, "Its…so…damn…catchy!"

Sarah now had a couple of fireys back up dancing for her as she rapped badly about how many people chatted about her. Dobby tried to resist, but he couldn't stop the beat. And he couldn't stop his dancin' feet, cos he just could not stand still. The world kept spinning round and round and his heart was keeping time to the speed of sound but he was lost until he heard the drums and found his way…he couldn't stop the beat…"GET ON THE FLOOR!" Sarah ordered, "my swagger's in check!"

Dobby joined in, "You're a hater, just let it go!"

A few seconds later, after the impromptu musical number had been quashed by a sudden bout of heavy rain (sent by Jareth, who really hated chav music).

"What does swagger jagger mean anyway?" Dobby asked seriously.

"It means…" Sarah pouted, "it's something your should have and if you don't, you're a hater. Kiss kiss, I'll see you later."

Dobby sighed. He knew who had swagger jagger, that Kazuya Kamenashi. If only he could be half the effeminate pop star that he was.

"OMG!" Sarah exclaimed, "You write Akame fan fiction?"

Dobby wrenched his laptop from her greasy fingers and turned it off. "Can we just get on with retrieving that twit's ipod?"

"FIINNNNNEEE!" Sarah kicked him twice, just to show how pissed off she was. It appeared that returning to the Labyrinth had also caused her to regress back to her dumbass teenage mindset. Not that there was much difference, mind you.

"This just goes on and on," Sarah sighed, "there aren't any turns or corners or anything!"

Dobby felt something crunch beneath his foot and he looked down. He had just stepped on the skeletal body of Willem the worm. There was a miniature cup of tea beside him. It was a terrible waste of a life lost just because Jareth needed to get some.

Beside him, Sarah had started to sing 'Friday' by Rebecca Black. Dobby slammed her head into the wall.

…


End file.
